Recovery
by partnersandlovers
Summary: Kate Beckett has a long recovery in front of her but she is lucky enough to find someone willing to stand with her. Rick Castle.
1. Chapter 1

Kate Beckett has a long recovery in front of her but she is lucky enough to find someone willing to stand with her. Rick Castle.

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><p><strong>Chapter 1. What If. <strong>

_"Kate, I love you. I love you, Kate"_

_He watched as her eyes closed and her head fell back into the soft green grass. _

_Lifeless._

_Dead._

He put his hand on her cheek once more. "Kate wake up, wake up. Please", he pleaded but she didn't move. His hands started to shake and his head went numb. He couldn't imagine what he would do without... no, his mind couldn't go this far. Not yet. He wasn't ready. Letting go was out out the question; sheer impossible.

"Do something! Someone! Help her!", he screamed and he was shocked by his own voice. It was deep and teary and so unbelievably scared. He couldn't think back to a time when he was this scared and felt so helpless and most of all hopeless. Hell, he couldn't even think. His mind was dull and he didn't realized that he was pushed away from Kate's lifeless body and that more screams filled the air. Closer to him now. Who was it?

Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder and another voice. Not screaming, the voice was trying to comfort him. "Richard, darling", he heard. It was his mother. It came back to him that they were all there, everyone saw what happened. His mother, his friends, Alexis. Alexis... no child should ever witness an emotional collapse of their parent. But it was Kate who got shot. _Kate._ "Get out of the way, honey. She just wants to save her", Martha said.

He looked up. His eyes were teary and everything was a blur and it felt like he was looking into light after being in a dark room for too long. Slowly his mind formed pictures of the scene in front of him and it wasn't all blurry anymore. Lanie was hovering over Kate trying to stop her wounds from bleeding. He could see that she was crying, because tears were falling onto Kate's pale face. She was still bleeding and with every second that passed he lost a little more faith.

Kate Beckett couldn't die. How could someone who was as caring and lovable and intelligent, talented and beautiful as Katherine Beckett leave the world? He couldn't imagine going to her funeral to tell her goodbye, because then it would be real. He could never make it real. He wouldn't let her go. Not ever. It was too early; he didn't have enough time, he needed some more. _Don't waste another minute of it. _He heard his mothers words in his head and it was painful. He should have told her earlier, he should have had the guts to speak his mind. He was fabulous with words so why couldn't he? If he never had a chance again he would blame himself for the rest of his life.

"Kate, don't quit on my now! Stay here! Where is the ambulance?", Lanie was screaming. Sweat was dripping of her face and on her cheeks they intermingled with her tears that fell constantly. She was pressing her jacket into Kate Beckett's chest, trying to ease the bleeding. She just had to hold on until the paramedics were there. They would be able to save her. She couldn't think otherwise; she didn't dare to think of losing her best friend.

They met the first day Kate started to work for the 12th a couple years back and they got along great since then. Lanie was always the one telling Kate to risk something, to make her happy. Most of the time Kate didn't listen, but it was okay, because she knew why she was acting like that. She was scared of letting someone in and of showing her heart. She wouldn't admit it but it was hard for her to open up, because she was afraid of being left. Until Rick Castle came along. She hasn't seen Kate quite this happy as she has those last three years. She was actually laughing and smiling, which she usually did rarely. She deserved to be happy. But none of them, nor Kate or Rick, ever made a move to put their relationship up to a new level. Lanie often told her to tell him, that she wanted to be more than just his _muse, _but she always denied it. She knew her friend and she could tell when she was lying. They should have a chance to explore what they have for each other. Losing Kate Beckett was no opinion.

He suddenly heard the sirens and they came closer fast, but it was no relive to the deep pain in his chest. The feeling that he could not breath didn't erase; not even as the ambulance came to a stop and the paramedics stormed out of the vehicle and loaded Kate into the back of the car. He felt empty and the people around him didn't matter, in fact he wasn't feeling their presence at all, even thought knowing they were there. He wanted to drive with her to the hospital, he pleaded and discussed, but they wouldn't let him and as Lanie whispered "Let them take her to the hospital, Castle. They don't have much time", behind him, he let them go.

Alone.

What if something happened and he wouldn't be there?

What if she died in that car and he wouldn't be there to protect her?

What if?

Ryan took him, Esposito and Lanie to the hospital and as they stormed into the emergency room and asked a nurse about Kate's whereabouts, she told them that she was already in surgery. They had to get the bullet out of her body, because it hit several organs and it was already a little wonder that she survived that long. She told them that right now she really was not able to tell if she'd make it. All they could do was waiting, hoping and praying.

They entered the waiting room and except for a young couple and two other people it was empty. They all took their seats and no one was talking. No one was able to process what just happened. They all loved Kate and she was family to all of them, so her loss would be more as just losing a college, a boss. It was loosing a partner and a friend all together. Rick leaned back in his chair until his head came in contact with the cold wall behind him. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe slowly. He felt like fainting.

Suddenly there were steps moving in their direction and voices. "There! They sit in the waiting room", he head his daughter's voice. He opened his eyes and stood up as he saw Alexis along with Martha and Jim Beckett entering the room. Alexis started to run and she threw her arms around him. He held her close to his body. He didn't know who was giving whom comfort. He looked at the worried face of Jim Beckett and couldn't imagine how he must have been feeling. If it were be Alexis. He didn't know what he would do. Jim Beckett also lost his wife and he told Rick that he wouldn't survive it if he lost Kate as well. He watched the features of this man and he seemed old and heart broken. His eyes shined with unshed tears and he could almost see his heart jumping out of his chest.

"Is she-", he broke up to collect his words. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Is she okay? Where is she?", he asked and looked around the room as if she had to be there.

"She's in surgery", Rick told him and looked at his mother for a brief moment. Her face showed concern and as he looked down to Alexis, he saw her lip shivering and a couple tears rolling down her face. He looked back up to Kate's farther. "They need to", this time he cut off to take a breath. "They need to take the bullet out. It hit organs. They do everything they can", the last words came out quietly. Jim Beckett nodded his head and sat down in one of the chairs. He buried his face in his hands and didn't move. He pulled Alexis deeper into his arms and kissed her forehead while he stroke her red hair unconsciously.


	2. Chapter 2

**I know that I needed like YEARS :) I'm more than sorry. **

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><p><strong>Chapter 2. Hope.<strong>

Three hours later they still haven't heard anything about Kate. They didn't know how she was doing, if she was still in surgery or not. They needed to know but no one came to tell them. Martha and Ryan asked a few nurses but they all told them, they weren't able to tell them Kate's situation. It took another two hours before a gray haired nurse, who was about 55 entered the waiting room.

"Family of Detective Katherine Beckett?", she asked and looked around. As soon as those words came out of her mouth seven people directly stood up and mumbled "Yes"'es as they came closer to her. The nurse looked around, curious about why so many people stood in front of her.

"I'm her... her father", Jim Beckett finally said and she gave him a short nod.

"Okay, Mr. Beckett, the bullet that hit your daughter injured her lung and caused internal bleeding but the doctor was able to stop it. However, she lost a lot of blood and she's still not out of the woods", she stopped for a moment and everyone around her sucked in a breath. _Not out of the woods. _She was not dead, yet, but she could die. Still. Something could happen and she would be dead. Rick looked down, he couldn't dare to think that far. He didn't know what he would do without her. He just didn't. "But there is hope", she continued. "She is really strong and if... if she survives the next 24 hours she has a great chance of a full recovery".

They just looked at her, no one quite sure of what to say or to feel. She was alive but near death. There was hope and that hope they had to keep holding on to. "Can I...", Rick started but instantly felt stupid asking that question while Jim, her father, was in the room. "Can _we_ see her?" The nurse looked up to him and seemed to think about his question, before nodding slowly.

"Only one at the time, just follow me, and be quiet and careful, Detective Beckett needs to get as much rest as possible", she said. Rick looked to Jim but he just shook his head.

"Go and see her", he told him and Rick's eyes grew wide. He wasn't family, he didn't have the right.

"I...", he started but a really small smile appeared on Jim's face.

"No, she needs _you_ to be on her side. I will go and see her later, when you are back". Rick just nodded and slowly followed the nurse to a room at the end of the hallway. He opened the door and peered into the room. There she was. She lie in a bed in the middle of the white room. A cover up to her breast and her arms lie on top of them. Everywhere around her were noise making machines and monitors. She looked unbelievable vulnerable and weak. He's never seen the strong Katherine Beckett like this before. His heart shattered into pieces but at the same time he released a breath he didn't know he was holding. He crossed the room and took the chair beside her bed.

She was pale and had bags under her eyes, her hair wasn't shining as usual. Tears shot in his eyes and he wrapped her right hand in his. Her fingers were cold. _She is alive, she is alive, she is alive, h_e told himself.

"You are alive", he whispered into the quiet of the hospital room. "You are alive, Kate. Just keep holding on and rest. Get healthy. You are alive", a small smile fell on his lips while a few tears slipped down his cheeks. He didn't care that he was crying. He didn't care about anything, because Kate was still alive. She was strong. She would make it through. She had to.

A good twenty minutes later he left the room, after kissing her forehead and telling her he'd be back later. He walked into the waiting the room and everyone looked up to him. They were all still there. Lanie was asleep, her head on Espositos shoulder and his arm around her body. Ryan and Alexis talked quietly while Martha sat next to Jim, saying nothing. Alexis ran to him, the moment the entered the room. He put his arms around his daughter and looked directly at Jim Beckett.

"How...?", Jim asked.

"She's still asleep, but I guess she'd be happy to have you at her side", his voice was raspy and Jim nodded, before getting up slowly and walking into his daughters room. Rick kissed his daughters head and looked into his mothers eyes.

"She's going to be okay, kiddo. She's strong", Martha said.

"Castle?", Lanie said and he turned to look at her. She was still in Esposito's arms and she was holding his hand in hers. She was squeezing his hand so hard that his fingers turned white but he didn't seem to care.

"Yeah?", he said. Lanie shivered slightly.

"She is... going to be alright, isn't she?", she asked and a tear slipped down her face.

"I hope so".

Katherine Beckett was strong. She was a fighter and everyone knew it. No one doubted her strength but there was this slight possibility that even the strongest person would sometimes be too weak. She's been to so much and maybe this time it was too much for her to bear. They all were fighting the thoughts of her dieing, but they still slipped into their minds. Rick couldn't get the pictures out of his mind. Her lying on the ground, warm blood everywhere on his hands and her eyes so full of pain. Emotionally and physically. Then he pictured her in that white hospital room, so small and hurt and all those machines that kept her alive. But then he saw her laughing in his mind as they joked around or the way she rolled her eyes at him. He felt her lips on his again. He wanted to have the chance to kiss her again. He wanted one more chance to do everything right with her.

[-]

Three days. Three days since she's been shot. Three days since he's last seen her eyes. It was true, she survived the first 24 hours and the doctors said she could make it through without any lasting injuries. But she still hasn't woken up and he was scared and worried as hell. He sat at her side everyday for hours, in fact he barley went home at all. He only went home to shower and to spend some time with Alexis. He has been sleeping for the about 5 hours the last three days. Mostly in the chair beside her bed. Kate was never alone. When he was not on her side her father, Lanie or Esposito and Ryan were with her.

He remembered his talk with Lanie from two days ago.

_"How is she doing today?", Lanie asked, as Rick left the room. The smile he gave her was a sad one. _

_"She still doesn't want to wake up", he said quietly and Lanie looked sad as well. Lanie was Kate's best friend and Rick never realized how much they mean to each other before Kate got shot and lie in a hospital bed, near to death. "May I talk to you for a minute?", he asked her. There were some things that were bothering him and he thought if someone knew the answer it would be Lanie. _

_Together they went into the cafeteria to grab a cup of coffee. Hell, he needed it. He hasn't been sleeping in 36 hours and he knew he looked like it, too. "What's up?", Lanie asked and tried to fake a smile. This situation was so hard for everyone. _

_"I'm just... I...", he muttered._

_"Spill it out, Caslte"._

_"I wondered... why hasn't Josh been here by now? Is he in Africa, again?", he asked shameful. He's been wondering the whole day. If he were Josh and his girlfriend... fuck... Maybe Kate wasn't his girlfriend but he still loved her more than any other woman he's been together with. And they weren't even together. He loved her and he wanted the best for her and he wanted her to be his. But if he were Josh, Kate's boyfriend, he would have been by her side in a split second. And still, he hasn't shown up, yet and ihe was wondering._

_A small smile grew on Lanie's face. She knew the feelings Kate and Rick had for each other, even thought they didn't or at least didn't dare to let those feelings out. "They broke up", she just said. Rick's eyes grew wide and he opened his mouth to say something but closed it then. "About a week ago", Lanie explained. "When you started working on Johanna Beckett's case again. She told me she just... couldn't keep all those secrets from him but she couldn't tell him either. So she broke up with him". Rick was shocked. He didn't know they had broken up, even thought they had spend a lot of time together, lately. Sure, she seemed a little off earlier that week, but he figured it must have been the case and the lack of sleep. He was so dumb sometimes. He should have been there for her._

He was holding her hand in his again. He always did when he was with her, he also kissed her forehead and her hand when he came and left. She'd probably shoot him if she knew but he didn't care. He needed as much 'physical contact' as possible. He needed to feel that she was still alive. It was horrible to see her in that bed, day after day, sleeping. He just wanted her to wake up more than anything else in life.

He looked up at the ceiling. He was tired so he closed his eyes. He wouldn't admit it but he could sleep better, with her hand in his. Knowing she was still here. He preferred to sleep in a hard plastic chair than in his big and comfortable king size bed just because Kate was there. He almost laughed at the thought. Just partners and friends. Sure.

A light sleep came over him.

[-]

There lasted a heavy weight on her and she was in pain. She didn't know where she was, she couldn't see. No, she couldn't open her eyes. Was was happening to her? She wanted to talk but her throat was dry. It was scary and she didn't know what was going on. Then she heard a voice. A calming voice, she knew better than any other.

"And then Alexis wanted to make ice cream for me. I told her I liked strawberry but we didn't have any. We had ice cream AND strawberries, thought. So she made strawberry ice cream for me. It was delicious, but you should have seen the kitchen afterwards. Ice cream was everywhere. Even under the fridge. Can you believe that? She was five back than... time is running so fast, Kate. So unbelievably fast", the voice said.

She wanted to smile, but she couldn't. She tried to move her eyes to open them but they were heavy. Too heavy, so she tried to move her fingertips. Just a little bit. It took all of her strength but she was able to move her fingers just the slightest bit. She felt something around her fingers and she didn't know what it was.

He stopped telling her stories the moment he felt her middle finger move against his hand. He came closer to her face and brushed his hand over her cheek. "Kate. Wake up, just open your eyes, please. You're doing so great", he told her and brushed hair out of her face. Slowly, really slowly her eyelids fluttered and even slower she opened them. He was finally able to see into her green, beautiful eyes. She looked around and finally met his gaze. He saw how confused she was in her eyes.

"You are in the hospital, Kate", he told her with one hand on her cheek and with the other having her hand wrapped in his. "You.. you've been shot".

She closed her eyes and her lips were shivering. She remembered. He saw it in the way one tear escaped her eye and made it's way down her cheek. He caught it, before if hit her chin and bushed it with his thumb away. As she opened her eyes again she also opened her mouth to speak, but all that came out was a raspy sound. "I'll get you a doctor, wait just a second", he said and left the room. He was totally overwhelmed and couldn't think straight. Kate woke up. After one week of being comatose she finally woke up. He looked around, confused. There was no nurse around. He ran down the hall until he literally jumped into a doctor.

"Everything alright?", the woman asked him. He just nodded slowly.

"She woke up. Kate Beckett I mean... she woke up", he said and she just nodded and followed him back into the room, calling for a nurse on their way back in. Rick gave Kate a smile and she gave him one as well. Just a really small one, but she smiled. The nurse, who followed them into the room came straight up to Kate and gave her some water through a straw for her throat.

"Hey, I'm doctor Melissa Novak, how are you feeling, Detective Beckett?", she asked, while she checked her charts.

"I...", Kate started, she still looked confused to Castle before she turned to Dr. Novak. "I feel okay, I guess. Tired and a little off", she said. The doctor gave her a smile.

"I don't wonder. You've been through a lot and you need to rest, so take your time. Do you remember what happened?", she asked.

Kate nodded. "Not everything, thought, but most of it".

"Okay", she said. "Right now everything is looking good and we're happy that you woke up. I'm going to send a nurse over in 30 minutes with pain killers, I bet you'll need them. But for now I think you're fine. Don't hesitate to ask if you need something or have any questions, okay?"

"Alright", Kate said and watched as the nurse and her doctor left the room. As soon as the door closed, Rick sat back down on the chair next to her. He still couldn't believe that she has woken up. They just starred at each other.

"How long have I been out?", she asked him after a while uncomfortably. She didn't like being not sure and the feeling of remembering just parts of an event.

"Six days", he told her and watched as her eyes grew wide and the muttered a quiet _Oh my god_. He grabbed her hand again but not without hesitating. He wasn't sure how much she could remember and if she wanted him to touch her. He actually was really scared that the words he told her, even thought they were the most honest things he's said in a while, would destroy their relationship. If she wasn't feeling the way he did, everything would be over. He knew that.

"We've been all so worried about, Kate. You haven't been alone for one second", he told her honestly. She bit her lip and tears started to form in her eyes. She didn't know what was going on with her, she usually wasn't one to cry easily but today everything was different.

"I'm so sorry", she whispered and he just shook his head.

"No, no. I don't blame you. It's not your fault", he said and squeezed her hand.

Kate wanted to move her body a little closer to him but it was impossible. As soon as she started a pain shot through her upper body and she hissed while closing her eyes tightly. "Kate!", Rick said in horror. "What's wrong?", he asked her and she just shook her head.

"It's okay... it's okay", she said and took a few breaths. "Just... fuck...", she closed her eyes again. He brushed his hand up and down her arm and with his free hand he pushed the button to call a nurse. She needed the pain medication now and not in thirty minutes.

[-]

About one hour later she was asleep again. The medication the nurse gave her made her tired and she fell asleep almost instantly. She didn't talk much, she said it was hard, because it made her tired. So he talked. He told her how everyone visited her over the last week and how happy everyone would be if they knew she'd woken up. He promised her to call everyone as soon as she was asleep. He told her he could call them now but she shook her head and said: "Please, just stay with me". Those were her last words before she fell asleep and they told him that everything he needed to know and that everything was alright between them, no matter how the outcome would be. He knew, somehow, that she's heard his confession the day she got shot and not matter if she could remember it now, he knew it was somewhere deep in her. He felt that she needed him as much as he needed her and this took a lot of weight from his shoulders.

He sat by her side and watched her sleeping for a while. After a couple of minutes he got up and left the room to call one after another to tell them Kate was awake.

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><p><strong>In case won't ever update you can see this as the end. This chapter is kind of end-like, right? But I want to write more, so there IS hope. <strong>


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